Étiquette : sorry

thinking hurts me a lot. i’ll be thinking about some midly deep subject and then suddenly my head goes “this is too complicated. everything it too complicated. kill yourself to make it all easier”

and so i stop and start thinking about simpler things or just watch some very dumb tv show to make the suicidal thoughts go away, but that means i rarely get to ponder on complicated things. im stuck with the simple things and just repeating what i’ve been told

sometimes i get anxious bc i fear that someone will ask me something like “what are your goals in life?” or “what do you like/dislike about yourself?” and i won’t be able to answer and i’ll just have to confess that i dont get to think of these things and that my brain is too fucked up to let me think like other people do

and i’ll just disapoint everyone who told me i was smart bc they’ll know i can only repeat like a parrot and i cant do anything by myself

honestly? sirius black managed to get himself together enough to escape a hell he’d been living in for years, so he could be with his loved ones, not once but twice in his life and that’s so inspiring for my depressed self

[please dont add any angst to this, it’s a mental health positivity post]

piknha:

profeminist:

“Just realized the nb term for fanboy/fangirl: fanby”

@HannahTempler 

Or just… fan

actually, you mainly use “fan” to mean you’re a fan of something (ex : i’m a fan of dr who!)

fanboy/girl/by mostly describe a way of being a fan, more especially the typical passionate fandom-invested fan (ex : i have an entire blog where i post fan theories and fanfictions of dr who, im such a fanby!)

also, even without that distinction, i’ve found that a lot of nb people like me love to have an alternative term for all of the gendered ones (i much prefer describing myself as a wix than “someone who practice witchcraft”)

so actually the reason this term was coined was to make people more comfortable and happy, and if it does then it’s the most important thing 🙂 restraining how many words we can make up is, in my opinion, pointless, bc unneeded words will naturally disappear and the ones that matter will stick around. so only time will tell us if “fanby” was a needed one or not, and debating about it isnt going to change much about it

You know what really bugs me about some of the Canon Pairings throughout Harry Potter?

captofthesswolfstar:

With this newly released information that apparently Professors Flitwick and Sprout had at some point been in a romantic relationship, some fans are thrilled. However, I’m sort of…put off?
Yes, they are both lovely characters and the fact that they are both Smol and Cute does make me smile a little but…why bother mentioning this at all when it has nothing to do with anything and we NEVER SEE THESE CHARACTERS INTERACT.

Dumbledore and Grindelwald? There was no canon evidence in the main series, though we’re told we will be seeing it more in FB.

Even Remus and Tonks barely show any signs of interest in each other until suddenly Tonks is begging Remus to be with her, shocking literally everyone except Molly Weasley who hasn’t been able to keep her busybody nose out of other people’s affairs.

But then we have popular fanon OTPs who SHOULD be canon, have arguable concrete supporting evidence in canon and yet are completely disregarded such as

Dean and Seamus, who are clearly the center of each other’s worlds.

Sirius and Remus, who give their dead best friend’s son joint Christmas presents, stare at each other for forty lines of dialog, are ready to straight up murder someone together based solely on eye contact without a word of explanation, live together, forgive each other for some really fucked up shit they did to each other like it’s no big deal because hey, love makes you do crazy shit sometimes, etc.

Scorpius Malfoy and Albus Potter, who spent the entirety of TCC being basically boyfriends only to have Rose Weasley come in as the Ultimate Cockblock.

I’m tired of JKR announcing useless canon romances that hold no actual meaning when she ignores pairings that could have brought excellent representation to the series without her having to even change any canon details because they were ALREADY THERE.

And that’s my rant for today.

i mean it seems to me that jk just cant let this saga go.

it’s been twenty year and she’s announcing these “news” on pottermore that we didnt really need, and that are sometimes very poorly done ( looking at you, magical schools of the world ). the attempt at a sequel was horrible. the attempt at a prequel felt away from the hp universe, with all the special effects and hollywoodian things. she’s pulling it too far, in my opinion.

it’s been twenty years and she just cant let go of the control she had over this universe, like how she tried to repeat on pottermore that remus never loved anyone else than tonks bc people shipped wolfstar. the fandom gots this, it is creating new content and headcanons about her universe like a fandom does but she still insists on forcing her views on us.

i mean i dont pretend to understand it, i dont know enough about her and the edition and writing universe to say that my views are 100% right. but i feel like it’s true, and i’m sad jk cant move on and create other wonderful books about teens changing their world. i would love to read them, far more than to read about crappy time travel plots or how two minor characters once had a thing.

jk has so much potential, and i’m sad hp trapped her that way.

patronus charms

( before you all hate me for this I just want to say it was @slytheroutofmybed who put me in an angsty mood, okay ? )

“Please try to focus more ! The Patronus Charm is one of those you will very probably be tested on for your N.E.W.T.s !” shouted Mrs. Han, the tall woman who taught Defense Against The Dark Arts in Hogwarts.

All the students groaned. It was the third lesson they spent desperately trying to produce something else than blue-ish sparkles, and yet no one in the group of seventh-years had managed it. Their frustration was more than obvious, and a few of them seemed like they had already given up.

The Marauders and Lily were seated in the back on the room, Sirius pouting while waving his wand.

“But when will Peter, James and I be allowed to perform the spell ? We already know how to do it !”

Remus rolled his eyes and explained : “Whenever it won’t be fishy. McGonagall probably guessed you are Animagi already, and we don’t want anyone else to. We don’t want you in Azkaban Sirius.”

Sirius pouted again, but nodded. Then his eyes lightened as if he just had an idea, and he grinned. “I’m disappointed Moony. Will you kiss me better ?”

Remus sighed like this was a suffering ask, and then leaned on to peck his lover’s lips. James pretended to throw up behind his desk, and Lily hit him on the arm, before to stand up and clap her hands :

“Well this is very cute but Remus and I actually have some work to do.”

Remus groaned but got back on his feets. They pointed their wands in front of them, and tried to think of a happy memory. Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breathe.

He was in the forest, his three friends in their animagus form running with him. The black dog was playfully chasing him, before the wolf jumped on him and they both rolled on the ground. When they got up, the wolf felt the deer running in front of him and the rat jumping on his foot. He started to run to…

“Remus, man, I think you got something !”

He opened his eyes and saw a grey light shape forming around his wand. It wasn’t a full Patronus, but it was close. Without paying attention to what others were saying around him, he closed his eyes again and focused.

He was holding Sirius against him. James and Peter were still in their animagus forms. He couldn’t believe they had done this for him. He felt tears on his cheeks, and he tried to pull out of Sirius’s hug to avoid wetting his clothes, but his friend was holding him too hard. He felt his hand in his hair and…

A large blue figure emerged from his wand and started to run around the classroom. All the students dropped their wands and watched it in awe. Lily stared at him with her mouth wide open. James screamed something that sounded like congratulations. Peter laughed and hugged him from behind, before Sirius pushed him away and took his place with possessiveness. Remus laughed out loud and grinned to his boyfriend.

And then the Patronus he casted ran back to them, and Remus’s smile dropped.

You could now clearly see what it was. The professor nodded in approval and scribbled something on her parchment that must have been Remus’s grade.

Sirius bursted out in laughter. “Well Moony i guess the serie of coincidences will never end !”

James ruffled his friend’s hair and whispered “Werewolf McWerewolf strikes again I see.”

Peter was about to add another joke, but froze when he saw Remus’s face.

“Remus ? Moony are you okay ?”

Suddenly all the Marauders and Lily stopped to laugh. Remus was breathing heavily and staring at the ground, tears forming in his eyes. His hands were shaking.

Sirius got a bit closer and reached for his right hand. Remus grabbed it and pressed it hard. The black haired boy told the teacher they needed to get out, and he dragged him out of the room without waiting for his professor’s answer. They walked for a couple of minutes before they were in the park and Remus sat on the ground and took his face in his hands. Sirius heard quiet sobs, and put his arm around his Moony’s shoulder.

“I’m just so tired of it, Pads.” Remus said without looking at him. “So tired of going through it every month. And how it haunts me even when the full moon is away.”

He paused for a second and said “Your Patronus is supposed to reflect your personality, who you are. You are a dog because you are loyal and cheery most of the time. Prongs is a stag because Merlin he can’t stop bragging. And Peter is a rat because he is quiet but smart. And I’m a wolf because, well, I am a wolf.”

Sirius shook his head and pull his boyfriend into a hug. “No, Remmy, that’s not true. Your Patronus is a wolf because you are a fighter. Because you always remain strong. Because…”

But before he could continue Remus interrupted him : “Merlin, Pads, can’t you see ? I’m not ! I’m neither strong nor brave nor beautiful nor anything you always call me !”

He stood up abruptly, but Sirius stood up too and grabbed his arms : “Of course you are ! For the last time Moony you are more than your condition !”

“Really ?” Remus shouted. “Because everything and everyone else tells me otherwise !”

“Fuck everything and everyone else !” Sirius yelled. “Can’t you just think for yourself and see that you aren’t just that ?”

Remus seemed to cool off a bit before he said calmly : “Listen Sirius it’s great if you have this mental image of me being a fighter, or beautiful, or whatever, but you must just accept that I am not !”

He looked mad and about to burst into tears. Sirius didn’t know what to do. He should be used to Remus crisis of self-hatred, but he always found himself helpless, unable to make him see how ridiculous he was.

Remus sighed and added : “I don’t want to have this conversation right now.” He began to walk away but Sirius catched his hand again.

“Please, Remus, please… Just let me try to explain to you… I know you’re hurting right now but just listen…”

But Remus pulled his hand away and shook his head.

“Sirius, I appreciate you trying, I really do, but I can’t do it right now. I need to be alone.”

And without a word of goodbye, he turned away and walked to the castle. Sirius just stood motionless, his heart aching in his chest. There was nothing he could do to help his Moony, and that was what hurt the most.