okay i finally figured out what annoyed me with the way internalized queerphobia is often written

(note: in fanfics, it is more often internalized homophobia. i personally have no internalized homophobia, but quite a huge lot of internalized arophobia and also some internalized transphobia)

the number one reason will always be that a lot of fics treat internalized queerphobia as a normal part of being queer, which it absolutely isn’t, but that isn’t what i recently realized

more often than not, here is how internalized queerphobia is written:

• “i bully queer people to show that i’m not queer myself”
• “i hate queer people. they’re awful”
• “if i’m queer then i’m an awful person / going to hell / not valid”

and those are all things some people with internalized queerphobia can feel! but there are many many many other forms that i rarely see represented, which is a shame because in my opinion they are way more interesting

• i respect queer people, but i really don’t want to be queer myself. it’s not for me
• i have personal goals and i’m afraid i can’t reach them bc i’m queer (this could be wanting to have kids but being gay/aro/…, wanting to serve the army but being trans, …)
• i strongly admire proud queer people, but i feel like this can’t ever be me
• i’m scared of being out and proud because a part of me wonders if this might just be a phase, or if i’m wrong about what i am

those are just some examples! but I so rarely see them represented even though they exist and in my experience, are as or more common than the “mainstream” kind

bring in some varieties in your writing 😉

(PSA: if you suffer from internalized queerphobia, I’m with you. that shit is tough but you have to remember: society taught you that. It is NOT the absolute truth)