Headcanon that Every. Single. Sanders Side. Writes fanfiction.
Patton:
~Username: PatDadLovesLove ~Author Bio: “I love my sons (esp. my dark strange son)! Do what’s right. Stay in school. Don’t do drugs (unless they’re prescribed by a professional and then use as directed).” ~Patton generally writes ridiculously emotional fics for whatever ship he’s feeling up for that day. Usually writes one-shots. ~His fluff is teeth-rottingly sweet and any angst he writes will make you weep at three-AM because you just found this fic and it’s so good and it hurts so much but you just. Can’t. Stop. ~Sometimes his fluff and angst are in the same fic, so one chapter you’ll be squealing and giggling and “Aw!”ing, and two chapters later you’re sobbing profusely. ~His three multi-chapter fics are REALLY long because he doesn’t have the heart to finish them. ~(His Frequent Commenter is Virgil. Patton knows but pretends he doesn’t. Virgil leaves long comments. Patton loves it.) ~Takes requests. Will write long one-shots for commenters when they say they’re feeling down.
Virgil:
~Username: Angstiety (made when he was a teen, changed to Vngstiety when he started accepting himself but had enough of a following that he didn’t want to change it so much as to be unrecognizable. Also aesthetic. Might make more changes later.) ~Author Bio: “Whatever. I write whatever shows up in my head.” ~Generally tends to write angst so deep that you’ll feel like your chest has literally become a void. ~Often writes song fics. Usually for angsty songs. Sometimes for cheesy ones. ~Always has profound observations about life, love, friendship, and identity ~Will probably also make you cry ~Has had occasion to write an entire fic in the form of sonnet after sonnet. (Or three. One might have also been an epic free verse poem) ~Writes some fluff. Not as cavity-inducing as Patton’s but there are moments when he comes close. Sometimes uses it to break up long overly-angsty long-form fics to give the readers’ heartaches a break. ~Patton leaves long comments glowing with praise. The others don’t know his account exists. ~Occasionally takes requests. Depends on his mood.
Roman:
~Username: PrinceRoman (obvious, but he likes it) ~Author Bio: “I AM THE GREATEST PRINCE IN ALL THE LAND!” ~Doesn’t really care what genre he’s writing, but usually does wildly creative AU’s. ~KING (or prince?) of self-insert fics ~His fics are of EPIC proportions. That one he wrote for Logan for Christmas? Yeah that one was almost conservatively-lengthed by his standards. ~Usually commits to one or two WIPs till they’re finished, and they. Get. LOOOOONG. ~Will write one-shots on the side when feeling uninspired for his long-forms. ~Sometimes gets troll comments from Virgil, but the troll comments also hold a double entendre of actually being really complimentary (e.g. “This sucks good!” being left on Roman’s vampire!AU fic, quickly followed by a smiley face and a thumbs-up emoji). ~Patton leaves long comments glowing with praise. ~When not writing a self-insert, he writes whatever ship he’s obsessed with at the moment. ~Also takes requests occasionally. A little more frequently than Virgil when one request is just *shakes fist* so creative! Sometimes may take suggestions for what direction his fic should go if he’s stuck.
Logan:
~Username: EthosPathosLogan ~Author Bio: “If you can’t say something right, don’t say anything at all. (And if you say something wrong, apologize immediately and learn from your mistake.)” ~Hoo boy. Logan’s fics. ~Almost as long as Roman’s. Longer than Patton’s and Virgil’s usual lengths. ~Has an expansive vocabulary. ~Perfect formatting. ~Deeply researched. As accurate as possible. ~His descriptions are often a bit too long, too wordy, and a little too detailed, but he wants to be accurate! ~Often cites academic articles (in perfect MLA format) in his author’s notes (or an entire Works Cited chapter at the end) in case anyone wants to learn more. ~His first fic literally read like he was describing the results of a scientific study. He improved from there. ~Doesn’t write romance. Doesn’t write too much emotion at all unless he’s indulging. Prefers to write mystery!AU’s and detective!AU’s. Intricately-woven plot-lines and subtly-placed details. Half of his readers are mildly convinced he’s an Agatha Christie descendent. ~The other half believe he’s actually Sir Arthur Conan Doyle reincarnated given he tends to write almost solely for Sherlock Holmes. ~Once wrote a crossover where Sherlock met Data. Got weirdly popular and he doesn’t know why. ~Patton leaves long comments glowing with praise. ~Doesn’t take requests or suggestions usually.
Deceit:
~Username: SnakesAndLies ~Author Bio: “The cake is a lie. And so is everything else. Including you. And me. And life. Deal with it.” ~Plot? What is plot? ~Canon? Is that a thing? ~Not to Deceit ~Crack fics and crack ships ~Short chapters, short fics, short one-shots ~You can never tell if he’s joking or not when he writes some of these things. Like, seriously, what was that all about? And with that username it’s even harder ~Sometimes he writes really nasty fics—like you can feel the malice coming through your screen. ~You can almost imagine the author has a forked tongue. ~That being said, he does have some clever ways to turn a phrase.
Sleep has an account but doesn’t post anything so no one knows if he writes. He just stays up all night reading. Sometimes he’ll comment at 4AM. When that happens it appears to be key-smashing because he’s too tired to string coherent thoughts together.
Fuck JKR 