let me tell you about something that happened for me in the last few days

you often hear people say “i cant use your pronouns, it’s just too difficult !”

well my friend AD had this problem : she was very respectful of my gender and the words i chose to use about myself, but she had issues with my pronouns (the ones i use in french). she thought they were difficult to pronounce, and in the end the whole stuttering on pronouns things was just a bit awkward.

what she did is that she researched other gender neutral pronouns and asked me if it would be okay for her to use those instead. when she told me what those alternative pronouns were, i was a bit disappointed bc they sounded very feminine. i told her that and she asked me if she could use yet another set that she found. i found this one both perfectly neutral and practical and agreed.

the highlights :

• my friend AD knew she was having a hard time with my pronouns and actively searched for a way to solve the problem while always being mindful of my comfort with the situation
• she was the one who did all the researching : she didnt just come to me to ask me to change my pronouns, she did the job herself bc she thought it was her own issue
• she was ready to accept a plain “no”. had i told her my set of pronouns was the only one i wanted to use, she would have listened and respected my choice

.

so, you know, next time you feel like saying someone’s pronouns are too difficult for you, maybe do what AD did and try to solve the problem instead of just giving up on the issue

( PS : for my french followers, my pronouns are “iel” and the one AD is using is “lei” )