Hi there! Thanks for the ask, and thank you so much for the kind words about Palo Alto! I’m happy to hear that you enjoyed the story and were able to relate to Sirius and his journey.
Yes, I identify as asexual, and I’m always down to chat about ace stuff. I feel your struggle! There’s not a ton of great information out there since it’s something that no one talks about. There’s also a lot of false information out there, equating libido, sexual activity, and attraction rather than allowing them to exist separately.
As for how I knew… in some ways I always knew, and in some ways I was clueless. I definitely knew I didn’t find people attractive in the same ways that my friends and people the media seemed to, but honestly, I just thought everyone else was exaggerating about how sprung they got whenever they saw someone hot. Whoops.
My main advice would be to read, read, read! Asexuality Archive and the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) are good places to start. They’re not perfect, but they have clear-cut definitions and well thought out articles.
Don’t stress about finding the perfect label. Asexuality is a spectrum, not a strict code of behavior. If a more specific label is helpful to you, then that’s great! But if you find it too overwhelming or nitpicky to quantify your sexual and romantic attraction, then don’t worry about it.
Don’t worry about changing your mind later. Maybe in a year, five years, ten years, thirty years, or tomorrow, you decide that asexual isn’t the right term for you. That’s cool. You can change your mind. At the end of the day, the only person you’ve got to answer to is yourself.
Ignore the negative discourse. Don’t engage, don’t give it any attention. Just block that shit and move on to positive, supportive content.
Don’t be afraid to start chatting with other ace-spec folks! I’ve had very positive experiences here on Tumblr. Personally, I’m always happy to answer questions or have a friendly discussion.
Other ace-spec folks, feel free to add on with advice or resources!
more tips for you nonnie 🙂
for me, what helped was to learn what sexual attraction was not, so :
sexual attraction is not wanting to hug, kiss, or get in a relationship with someone. it is not finding them pretty.
also, i know this sounds like a pretty weird advice, but the internet has tons of “are you asexual” self test that are honestly really good ! like they arent a magical scarf of sexuality and arent always right, but looking at the questions they ask can help.
if you have friends who you trust with this, maybe try and ask them questions about how they feel to compare your experiences and see if they really differ a lot. ( of course there is always the risk that this friend turns out to be aspec as well, but then it can still help )
and my last tip would be to read fics with asexual character. you obviously already did, but reading more will give you a lot lors experiences to compare to yours ( again, if you dont immediatly relate to all of them, it doesnt mean you arent aspec ) i have a aspec wolftar rec list that ill reblog for you 🙂
good luck with all of that, my inbox is always open to aspec people in need of advices!
Fuck JKR 