jk-destroyed-our-best-gay-ships:
I have a few, but not nearly as detailed as the ones I have for Sirius. The thing about Sirius is that I relate to him on a very personal level and so I write him with a lot of the same psychological issues that I have considering we had…similar maternal upbringings and a serious case of being overshadowed by younger brothers…but anyway, here are my feelings about the inner workings of everyone’s favorite angsty werewolf!
– Suffers from night terrors which leads to many sleepless nights, which in turn leads to hi falling asleep ANYWHERE at ANY TIME. Like he could be standing in the middle of the hall and just doze off standing up.
– Has severe body Dysmorphia. He sees his body as completely mangled up and ugly. He can’t look at himself in the mirror when he gets out of the shower and he has mastered the art of getting dressed quickly. It took years for any of the other boys to see him without a baggy jumper on, even in the summer so that no one could see any bit of his skin. Even when he started dating Sirius he refused to take his shirt off even while they were in bed with the lights out and at first he wouldn’t even let Sirius touch him under his clothes because he was afraid the other boy would be disgusted. Sirius finally did convince him to take it off and was not disgusted at all. He always made a point to touch and kiss all of Remus’ scars and tell him how wonderful and beautiful and sexy he is. It made Remus slightly uncomfortable, since he just didn’t believe it and he was convinced that Sirius was lying to make him feel better, but after some time he stopped arguing because whether he believed it or not it still felt amazing when Sirius touched him like that.
– Extremely low self esteem. He doesn’t believe he deserves to be loved at all. He takes blame for things that couldn’t possibly be his fault, like when his mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He felt that he had tempted fate by lying to his friends for all those years and telling them his mother was ill when he would leave for the full moon. Every time anything bad happens in his life he tells himself it’s because he deserves it. Of COURSE the only person he had ever loved betrayed him and got his friends killed, what had he been expecting? Some sort of Happily Ever After with this perfect man? that was far too good an ending for someone like him. It was going to all go to shit sooner or later.
– Self destructive tendencies. Not outright suicidal, but definitely puts himself is life endangering situations because he has no self worth and really, he wouldn’t mind if something did just kill him. I won’t go into detail here about what he was doing for the 12 years between James and Lily’s death and Sirius’ incarceration and when he finally got the job at Hogwarts, but it wasn’t pleasant and when Sirius came back he could tell which of Remus’ new scars were from transformations and which were from
needles and rough nights and strangers in alleywayssomething else entirely. He never mentioned them to Remus and Remus never brought it up either.super interesting and i agree with most of them !
lol our moony is the King of Self Destructiveness and we love him
I agree with pretty much all of them except for the drugs. Not because I think he’d refrain for any sense of self-worth or self-preservation (which would be the Correct Reason™), but because Remus is all about control. I think he feels like he has to be 100% in control of himself at all times, because he’s terrified of the loss of control he has during full moons. So the idea that he’d do drugs is extremely alien to me. I think he’d be more likely to stop eating.
well with the fic i’m writing, who am i to disagree -_-
i think he might have at least tried it ( im talking hard drugs, not weed ), because just like the boys in dark alleys, it can be a way to self harm disguised as a way to feel better, you know ? i think he would have gave it a try at least once
Fuck JKR 