In honor of the lunar eclipse tonight…

lumosinlove:

Just my take on what happens to Remus on a lunar eclipse like tonight…

• “Remus, don’t be stupid. It’s just another moon-”
• “But it’s not, Sirius.” Remus runs a hand over his face in frustration because they just aren’t getting it, “It’s not just another moon.” He looks around at his friends, “It’s a lunar eclipse. Not to mention a supermoon…”
• “But… the moon’s in the Earth’s shadow,” Peter begins timidly, “If anything that should been it’s weaker… right-?”
• “No. No- fuck,” Remus glares around at them all, his four best friends. The four best friends he just wants to keep safe. His eyes linger on Sirius, who’s so much more than just a best friend; who, if anything were to happen to him, it would kill him. Especially if it were his fault.
• “Do you know what they call lunar eclipses?” He says lowly.
• They slowly shake their heads.
• Remus takes a large breath. He just needs them to understand… “A bloody moon. A bloody moon-”
• James scoffs, interrupting him, “Oh come off it, Moony. That’s because of the color-”
• “Not according to some legends-”
• “Oh so that’s what your basing this off of? Legends?” James argues back, “You’re forcing yourself into doing this alone for the first time in years all because of some myth? It’s probably fake.”
• “Yeah, people come up with all sorts of shit-talk about werewolves, don’t they?” Sirius pipes in, his eyes pleading, “I don’t want you there alone, Re-”
• “It’s not up to you.” Because Remus won’t have it. He’s too scared. He won’t let himself hurt anyone. He’d rather die. He’d definitely rather be alone for one night, “I won’t take any chances.”
• “Moons-”
• “That’s it, Sirius.” He snaps.
• But he has to look away because Sirius is still looking at him with those sad eyes.
• He glances outside, where the sky is starting to lose it’s light.
• “I’ll see you guys tomorrow for dinner.”
• As he walked out of the library, he saw the words he had read only weeks before flash in his mind. He knew it wasn’t a myth. He knew what was in store tonight for him. He had read about the ‘intensified violence’, the ‘rabid behavior’, the studies that had been done with werewolves and other animals on nights like this.
• And Remus would not allow himself to hurt his friends.
• ‘danger to even themselves’
• He tried to clear his mind of all thoughts, all images of Sirius’ hurt face, as he made his way down to the shrieking shack,
• alone.

• He’d forgotten what it was like, the transformation without his friends
• There was no comfort of having company
• No James trying to crack jokes
• No Sirius to hold his hand right up until the last second, or press a kiss to his lips and mumble a ‘I’ll be waiting for you” before slipping into Padfoot.
• It was horrific, and Remus could barely stand it
• He knelt in the middle of the shack floor, the rising moonlight feeling like the hot sun- burning into his skin
• “Fuck,” He fell forward onto his hands, his muscles tightening painfully. He could feel his bones quivering, ready to shift
• Unconsciously, he groped out for Sirius’ hand, only finding air
• Spasms of pain racked his body and his nails dug into the floor, the old wood splintering under his nails
• “Pads-” He caught himself again. He was alone.
• He had to be alone He tried to remind himself, It has to be this way
• He heard himself cry out, although the familiar ringing was starting to fill his ears, and felt his temple collide with the floorboards
• It was as if an invisible force was twisting him this way and that, his skin was on fire, his bones shifting under his skin, grinding together painfully
• He didn’t know he was crying until he yelled out again, “Sirius. Sirius.”
• He no longer knew they weren’t there.
• He no longer really knew where he was
• It had never been this bad, his sense of self was fading fast
• With a last burst of white hot, he felt his spin curve in against itself,   heard a yell that was no longer his
• And Remus Lupin was gone

• The wolf lay breathing hard, still, only for a second
• The night seemed deadly quiet after the yelling at the clawing
• And then there was a howl, and the shack shuttered, as a body was thrown against it
• The protection enchantments seemed to ripple under the weight of the clawing and the howling because what was in side just wanted out
• The wolf crouches, growling, pacing, pacing, foaming at the mouth, until it howls again
• Except instead of adding to the scratch marks that line the walls, this time its claws have another target: himself
• And it growls and tears until the thick scent of blood fills the air
• And with a final snarl, a final heavy thump…
• The night goes silent

• The first thing Remus tastes, when he comes to, is blood.
• The first thing he smells is blood
• The first thing he feels, is pain – white, hot, and burning
• His eyes fly open as he gasps, his breathing escalating to a point of hyperventilating almost instantly because he can’t breath
• “P-Pads.” His voice is weak, a whisper.
• Where are his friends? Why aren’t they there to take him to the hospital wing? What happened to him?
• He looks down, trying find the source of the pain, and nearly passes out again
• Because where his chest should be, is a slashed mess of skin.
• And where the floor should be, is a puddle of dark, wet, red.
• The sight makes him feel light headed because that can’t be his body
• “Sirius- James.. Pe-” he panics.
• And he remembers.
• His friends aren’t here to help him
• He reaches a shaking hand to his torso. He needs to stop the bleeding, to put pressure but where? There’s too many sources
• His head falls back on the wooden floor and he tries to get gulps of air into his lungs as he realizes, with a sinking sensation,
• he’s dying
• Because there’s too much blood, and no help.
• He’s alone.
• He squeezes his eyes shut, tears leaking from the corners as Sirius’ hurt face fills his mind- the last time he had seen it.
• “’m sorry.” The sobs hurt so bad but he can’t control them, he can’t slow his breathing or his tears, “I’m sorry. I love you I love you. I’m s-”
• “Remus. Fuck, James! Get Pomfrey! Now!”
• Remus thinks he’s dreaming. He must be dying because Sirius’ voice.
• But then there’s a heavy pressure on his chest and a his vision blurs until suddenly, the only thing that comes into focus is Sirius’ face, panic-stricken
• “Re- Moons, can you hear me? Remus.”
• “’Pads.” Remus tries to touch Sirius face but he can’t feel his hands anymore, “Pads.. ‘m sorry. I’m sor…-”
• But that’s all Remus can get out because he really can’t breath now. It feels like he’s trying to breath through mud and by the rattling sound his chest is making, he could be.
• “No. No, Remus look at me.” Sirius is crying, Remus can see that he’s crying and he wants to comfort him but he can’t seem to move his mouth anymore, or anything really, “Remus… Please, don’t. Please.”
• Sirius’ voice is getting distance and Remus’ vision is getting darke.
• Like someone is slowly turning off the lights.

• The first thing Remus tastes, when he comes to, is the sweet aftertaste of a dreamless sleep potion
• The first thing he smells, is the distinct scent of chocolate
• The first thing feels, is a warm hand pushing softly through his hair.
• “Re? Can you hear me, love?”
• And he remembers:
• “Re- Moons, can you hear me? Remus.” And pain.
• With difficulty, he opens his eyes
• He has to blink quite a bit against the bright light but finally his eyes adjust
• And he’s blinking up at Sirius’ face, his dark eyebrows drawn together in concern, his fingers still running through Remus’ hair.
• “Moons?”
• Remus blinks slowly, “y’look like an angel.”
• And Sirius looks confused at first
• But then he bites his lip and feels his eyes fill with tears because Remus is talking; he’s alive
• And every time Sirius closes his eyes, all he can see is Remus’ limp body in his arms, leaking red.
• “What?” He whispers.
• “Sunshine.” Is the only explanation Remus gives, before trying to bring a hand up to Sirius’ face.
• Remus winces
• “Don’t move, Moony…” Sirius takes his hand, and kisses his knuckles before engulfing it in both his own, “You have to heal.”
• Remus just kinda nods, still gazing up at him.
• Sirius shakes his head and presses his lips to Remus’ forehead, squeezing his eyes shut, “You scared me so bad, Re. So bad, I thought-”
• Remus presses his nose up into Sirius’ neck, trying to give whatever affection he can without moving too much, “’m sorry… I- I just couldn’t hurt you-”
• “So you hurt yourself?”
• “Better me than you-”
• Sirius pulled back, looking right at Remus, “No. Don’t you- Don’t you fucking say that. You almost died! What would I have done if you had died-
• “What would I have done if you had died?” Remus interrupted him.
• They stared at each other, tear tracks on their cheeks and hands clutched together.
• “I thought you were dead.” Sirius finally choked out in a shaking voice.
• Remus swallowed thickly, “So did I.”
• Sirius blinked and more tears dripped onto the mattress. He looked like he was struggling not to break.
• Remus rested his head back on the pillow, and slowly, painfully, opened his arm to Sirius, “C’mere, Pads.”
• And, as Sirius crawled into Remus’ arms, he lost the struggle. He cried softly into Remus’ neck, pressing kisses there and Remus whispered promises to him.
• “m never letting you do it alone again. ‘m never gonna let you be alone.”
• Remus just nodded, remembering how he had so desperately wished he had had Sirius there with him.
• And they lay in the tiny hospital bed together until Remus fell asleep.
• And Sirius lay awake, listening to Remus’ heart, making sure it was still beating.
• Because, even if only for a second, he’d been so terrified that he’d lost him.
• And really, if Remus is lost, so is Sirius.