Remus: [to Lily] This is a weird thing to say but I’ve always had a gay crush on my best friend
Sirius: [to James from behind the door] Whoa
James: Exactly. I didn’t know that Remus had a crush on me
Sirius: What? Um, I’m his best friend. I’m the crush
James: No I am. I am the better bloke
Sirius: ITS ME YOU IDIOT WHO DO YOU THINK GIRLS FAWN OVER MORE YOU OR ME?
James: WELL I AM THE QUIDDITCH CAPTAIN –
[Meanwhile]
Lily: So who do you think will throw out the first punch
Remus: Definitely Sirius
Lily: No way, it’s going to be James
Remus: Wanna bet?
Lily: Hell yeah
[One hour later]
Remus: Damn it *hands Lily a Galleon*