Blackmail

siriuslysarcasticremus:

wolfstar introvert prompt: internet crush

“Well, well, well,” James sang. “Look who’s back.”

Sirius snorted at the lame trademark introduction.

“Today you are in for a lucky treat! Not only will I be doing a live stream Q & A, but I’ll be doing it,” James paused for dramatic effect and yanked Sirius in by the arm, “with Pads!”

Popping up on the Youtube screen, Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t get too excited or you’ll give yourself a heart attack.”

“One can hope.”

James dug his elbow into Sirius’ ribs. To the side of the video, comments were flying by.

“Wow, people are freaking out about Pads. Damn, I’m kind of hurt, what am I—”

“Chopped liver,” Sirius cut in. “Don’t feel bad, Prongs, you’re at a natural disadvantage going up against me.”

James punched him in the arm. “First question, EmoUnicorn asked what’s your favorite prank?”

Sirius slowly eased into being on camera live, throwing in winks, slipping in sarcastic quips, play-arguing with James. After answering the final question, James grinned wickedly.

“Now, before we go I thought we could answer the question you all keep asking—how the hell did I get Pads to join in?”

“Firstly, you’re all nosey bastards.” Sirius leaned forward. “Second, I have been oh so fucking blackmailed.”

“What was the blackmail, you may ask?” James sighed happily.

“None of your business!”

“I am so glad you asked, because it’s my most beautiful creation yet, which is saying something.”

Before James could go on, Sirius blurted, “It’s a video.”

Comments zipped by, what video????? James narrated Sirius’ continuous head banging out of the camera’s view.

“This is what you get for cutting nipple holes in all of my shirts,” he snarked. “I made a video compilation of secret recordings of Pads’ raging thirst.”

Head planted on the table, Sirius snapped, “I’m not fucking thirsty you fuckface.” Sitting back up, he added in a dignified voice, “I merely have recently started to appreciate someone in a friendly way.”

“Oh, but the video disagrees.”

“That video proves nothing!”

“Oh really? Well, what’s the harm in posting it then?”

“I swear to Satan’s asshole I will cut out your kidneys, sell them for a shit ton of money, and throw you in a garbage dumpster.”

“Careful folks, thirst can have side effects of psychosis and violent urges.”

Sirius slumped against the couch, grumbling, “Not thirsty.”

“Everyone’s asking to post the video, so fuck you guys for wanting me to get killed, but I will tell you what’s in it.

“A few pieces of Pads singing stupid love songs in the shower, several shots of him spacing out with a dopey smile, one clip looking smitten as a kitten while watching one of said lover’s videos, some other stuff, and my personal favorite, a three minute video of Pads ranting about those beautiful eyes and how much he wants to–”

Sirius shoved James so hard he fell onto the floor with a squawk. When James got back up, Sirius shoved him down again because he had revealed that Sirius watched videos which meant Sirius’ totally-not-crush is a Youtuber.

“What the—no it’s not Lockhart!” Sirius gagged at the guesses people were making. “No, they’re not well known.”

James re-climbed up. “The reason he’s looking smug is because he doesn’t want people to see the love of his life. So fucking jealous.”

James slapped Sirius’ hands before he could shove him again. Sirius scowled.

“Good-fucking-bye you whores and to my main whore,” he turned to James, “don’t even think about continuing this topic while I’m gone.”

“Have fun watching their videos!” James yelled as Sirius walked away.

“That’s not what I’m doing!”

Sirius closed his door and climbed into bed, starting up his laptop. He clicked the bookmark to Wolfboy13’s Youtube channel and replayed his favorite video, the one where Remus ranted about colonialism while hyped up on too much caffeine. Sirius melted into his pillows, having to bite his lip to keep from giggling loud enough that James would hear. Remus’ dark curls were sticking up, not under a beanie for once, and the brightness in his emerald eyes was especially visible.

Sirius replayed 3:46-3:52 six times, when Remus falls out of his chair and perks back up, cheeks flushed from laughing uproariously.